This is said by don Miguel Ruiz in his book the Four Agreements. Like most things, this is no news to me. I’ve read and heard and discussed it before, but in other contexts. What it is, however, is a reminder. And I wanted to discuss what I am doing about it in the work I do to transform myself into the woman I want to be, rather than staying in the Victim archetype I’ve lived in for so long.
I have already told you that I do daily yoga. I was challenged by a close friend of mine back in March, and it’s stuck with me ever since. There are many reasons why I do this – mainly physical. I want to get more flexible, I want to be more mobile, I want to build strength, and I want to reshape my body.
Now, I’ve been following the Youtube channel Yoga With Adriene through my time actually doing yoga (even before that). Adriene is lovely, she approaches yoga beautifully, and the way she talks through the practice is amazing. However; couple of weeks ago I decided I wanted to do my own yoga. I wanted more time, more positions, less stress, and my own focus.
Since then, I’ve worked on finding a focus through my practice that works for me. A focus I can hold, and a focus that benefits me. And I actually think I found one. And, over time, it’ll work like magic. I am going to tell you why.
So, living as a Victim archetype means you haven’t learnt to be kind to yourself. At least I didn’t. It’s not until maybe five years ago that I began understanding that I can be, and how to be it. There are of course multiple ways of being kind to yourself, and one of them is using a language that’s projecting positivity back at yourself. Being a good looking mirror, so to speak.
And this is what I do in my yoga. I have chosen four words that reflects a whole shitload of positive stuff that I want to feel about myself and my body.
There are different kinds of pride, and not all of them are good. The kind of pride I’m thinking of here, however, is really, really good. It’s about being proud of who I am, what I have done for myself, what I’ve accomplished that I never thought I would. It’s about not letting other people get to you, but knowing what rings true within you – and believing it. It’s about knowing yourself and liking it. There are so many good, strong, positive things that I associate with pride – and all of them very different from the disillusioned pride my mother had for herself (just as a contrast) as the covert narcissist she was.
So – my pride is strong, it’s healthy, it’s constructive, it’s positive, and it’ll help to build both body and mind.
This is another word with dual (at least!) meaning. Doing yoga will make me physically strong – bloody hell, it already has. I am way stronger now than I was when I started on March 1 this year. My thighs are way stronger, my arms are way stronger, my wrists are way stronger – my tummy muscles are waaay stronger than they used to be. I can of course get better – but like Adriene says; that’s why we don’t do yoga, we practise yoga. One can always go further.
So, I’ve spent many, many years being over-weight. My entire life, more or less, with the last fifteen years or so, considerably more than I like to admit. That’s something that does not bring comfort. And with comfort, I mean more than just being fat and that’s uncomfortable. That’s one part of it, for sure, but not all of it.
I want to feel comfortable in my own body. What I mean by that is; I want to like my body. I want to like how I feel inside my body. I want to be able to move freely. I want to feel comfortable in my clothes. I want to feel, physically, that I am a woman. I want to look at myself and feel comfortable with what I see.
None of these things are true today. Eventually, I’ll get there, though. And at this point, I can start to feel it, even if there’s a long way to go until I’ll be completely comfortable with and in my body.
This is in very many ways connected to comfort, but not completely. Yes, I’m a woman, yes, I like to feel beautiful. I’m not going to lie about that. I haven’t felt beautiful in so many years, nor has it for many, many reasons, been very important to me. But now that I see my goals can be achieved, I do want to feel beautiful.
But I also want my yoga practise to help me feel beautiful not only through my body, but also in my soul. While I lack feeling beautiful on the outside (although getting there), I am no stranger to feeling beautiful on the inside. And for that, at least to some degree, I thank Adriene at Yoga With Adriene.
These words are the mantra I keep repeating to myself during my yoga practise. This is something I came up with the other day. Before then, I kept repeating the word ALLOW, with the point being that I’d allow myself to welcome my new body and shed the layers of crap that keeps the unwanted weight on my body. I’ll probably be changing these words every now and then, but the whole point is – these words repeated as mantra during yoga practise is like magic to me. They will, over time, help me transform my inner image of myself into something that’s way more amazing and beautiful than I could ever imagine.
So, as you see, words are magic. Depending on how you use them, they create an image in your mind. For my entire life, being embedded in this Victim archetype, I’ve been desillusioned with basically everything about myself. I’m old enough now, it’s time I change that.
Don’t you think? 🙂