So, I was recommended a book by don Miguel Ruiz – the Four Agreements. I just finished reading it, and rarely do I agree as much with this kind of a book, than I did with Ruiz. The whole concept of our reality and life being a dream, our private one or the common one (the agreed upon reality), and how we learn to shape our reality and our lives (our dreams) through what we learned from our parents, siblings, childhood friends, teachers et cetera, rings very, very strong in me.
I just wrote a blog post about this post in swedish so I won’t do it again. If you’re interested in Toltec wisdom and in general, in challenging your line of thoughts to create better circumstances for yourself – read it. It’s about 200 pages long, the message is intense and, depending on how used you are to the idea, somewhat provoking.
What I do intend to do with this post, however, is to discuss a little further about this dream concept, how what we learn from parents, siblings, teachers, friends, grandparents et cetera, and how that shapes our reality and our life. It is somewhat of a coincidence that I read this book right now, since I have already decided that it’s time to do a whole load of shedding of old beliefs that really aren’t mine, but they belong to – my parents.
I’ve already written at least a little bit about it, but these are the two main ideas my parents taught me about being a woman:
Mom: being a woman means being a victim. Nothing is ever my fault, I am perfect and the rest of the world needs to adapt to ME.
Dad: being a woman means you need to be taken care of, that you always must depend on someone else – ME.
So, from two perspectives I have learnt that being a woman means being weak, being dependent on a man, but also that other people always need to feel sorry for you in one way or the other, and that you always need someone to look after you.
Not a very flattering image, I’d say. I would also say that these two perspectives has been forced onto me, but now that I am aware, I can free myself from them and become a woman the way I want to view, percieve, understand the concept of being WOMAN.
Another of the four agreements brought up in Ruiz’s book is about language. According to Ruiz, language is power, language is magic. And I agree with him. Having lived the life I’ve had, I have used bad, negative, destructive language about myself, who I am, what I do et cetera, to the degree of being ridiculous. But I have also had periods where I’ve changed that, and it does make me feel a whole lot better. So from now on, I have two goals.
Changing my language – the words I use, what I focus on when I speak and think about myself and others. When I work on the second goal, I am going to choose my words very carefully to create a more flattering image on what it means to be a WOMAN – in my dream, my life, my reality. I realize that this image will be mine and mine alone. Others do not need to live their lives and hold this image as their truth, but it will be mine.
Changing the agreement inside my head about what it means to be a WOMAN. Instead of sticking to the old idea that women are wek victim that needs to be taken care of, I am going to create an image of womanhood that appeals to ME, one that I can live with fulfilling – one that feels like, and more importantly is ME and MINE.
Because you know what? My parents may have brought me to life, but I will no longer allow them to dictate who I am or should be. I will be who I bloody please to be, and it will be done as my own, personal dream/creation.
So, starting tomorrow, I will write a blog post each day for a week, presenting MY idea of what a woman is, what kind of a women I want to be.
And you know another thing? I can’t help but thinking that this is going to be sooo much fun. 😀 I can’t wait to explore, expand and put words to the image that’s already inside my head.