I don’t remember exactly where I read it, but someone wrote somewhere that journeying and working with Kali made way for change, but at quite the cost. Not financially, but some other kind of cost. I know I wondered at that point what could possibly cost me more than I have already lost, to create the change I want in my life.

A highly confusing answer to my question.

So, in lack of effective journeys, I decided to ask my tarot deck what energy to focus on, especially concerning my two cats. The older one is – old. Today, there was an incident that made me believe she might be in pain. That, added to a lot of other stuff about her, made me realize that it may be time for her to go.

Having lost my dog who was more than my soulmate so recently (earlier this summer), I am not happy about this. I haven’t decided yet, but considering how much I’ve cried today, it seems more likely than not to happen. In this, I trust how I feel.

The first card drawn was the Fool. I realized even before I drew it, I’d need some clarification, so I also drew the Empress. None the wiser, I also drew Ace of Cups.

And I’m confused. I feel that this could be interpreted in so many ways, and I don’t really know how to think about it.

Ignoring my feline friend, this shows an amazing future for my plans. The question at hand, however, is – what do I do with my two cats?

Namely; I put all this in relation to the fact I actively chose to work with the darkness (don’t fear the dark) to create light in my life. Remember I wrote about choosing to communicate with the two goddesses of darkness, Kali and Hel? From what I’ve gathered, they are all for change – but that change costs.

And quite frankly; I’d never, not even in my wildest imagination, dreamed that it’d mean I have to loose my cats. Not now, anyway. Not as in paying for change.

Being honest, I have no idea if I really need to loose them both. The oldest one – probably, yes. The younger one; not sure at all. She’s showing more serious signs of something that’s been occurring on a regular basis her entire life, but never been like this before. She could do as ever before – get well, or she could get worse. At this moment, I cannot say.

And yet, one thing I’ve learned in my life, is that when one door closes, another one opens. It’s such a cliché, yet it rings so true. Most of the doors closed for the last fifteen years or so has opened very few doors, but I choose to hope it means the door about to open now is that much bigger.

But I still don’t know how to interpret this. Not as in two questions, anyway. How to think about my future – well, to me, that’s quite obvious. To go into my future, be open-minded, generous, let go of negative stuff and embrace a free flow of emotions. Sort of.

But how can I do that without my felines? They are of course different from my dog since they are cats, but they are as close to me as my dog. And I am nothing without my familiars. Should I perhaps see this as I need to walk into my future naked and vulnerable?





This is a blog about my spiritual journey. The focus from january 2019 will be on my entering the shaman path. It’s exciting in every way possible, and I cannot wait to experience more.


Feel free to comment and share – I appreciate it.