While I may not be too keen on talking to deities as I don’t really believe in them, I don’t mind using their images as a symbol for a certain energy. The same goes for other sorts of symbols, and this post will be about Tarot, how I use the Tarot deck, and how/why my perception of some of the cards has changed over the years. Oh, and why I at the moment am drawn to some specific cards from the Major arcana.

It’s funny how quick your perspective of something can change over time. There has always been specific cards in a Tarot deck that I have liked more than others, and other specific cards I  have disliked. I am intrigued to realize that one of the cards I have much disliked, I now have a completely different view of.

The emperor

Never liked him. Not entirely sure of why, but what comes to mind is the fact that the emperor reminds me so much about my dad. I loved my dad dearly, but we weren’t really compatible in oh, so many ways. My dad was a realistic, material man with no patience or interest in spiritual matters – at all. He didn’t believe in any of it, and I even think he found it a bit uneasy. What mattered to my dad was being in control of your life, always moving on, making sure that you could take care of yourself financially, and have a good quality of life.

I never managed any of that, thanks to my bipolar disorder. He never understood that, at least not until the very last years of his life. He could not comprehend how someone – especially his own daughter, could want to live differently.

The emperor, to me, has a lot of that. To me, the emperor is a person who is very set in his ways. Very square, if that makes sense to you. He is ridden by boundaries and limitations, and has an awesome control over what’s on the inside of his box.

When I was younger, I was never whole. It isn’t until quite recently (say; the last two or three years or so) that I have found my own form, my own shape. And for the last years, I have actually experienced something I’ve never felt before. The sense of stability, of being in control. And I realize that’s actually something good.

So – all of a sudden, I feel that I actually do like the emperor. While I may not want to be stuck in his energy all the time, I no longer mind being there. I don’t feel like it’s being stuck, should he appear in a reading of some sort. I can even see myself using him when painting my mental image of what energies I like to attract (which is actually how I use a Tarot deck, I rarely do any traditional readings at all).

I think that I’ll spend a few posts discussing some other cards that I relate very strongly to, and some other cards again whose energy I would like to embrace in my life. Not sure of it is my bipolar disorder that creates the need of contrast in pretty much everything I do, but the cards are quite the opposite of each other. 😀

Speaking of something completely different; a few days ago I was on my way home from the local grocery store. I noticed a root on the ground, and I actually had to turn around and bring it home. I am saving money to buy a dog, as soon as the only breeder (of the breed I want) in all of Sweden has pups. The root told me; my dog is on the way, and that is not the only positive change coming.

Photography: Sonya Malinka Persson

I don’t think I ever discussed this properly on this blog, but I am a very visual person. I experience the world to a rather high degree, through my eyes. Why do you think I own this domain? Eye C – I see. I see and understand the world through metaphors, rather than rational thought. Perhaps that’s why me and my dad were so different; he was way more the rational kind of guy.

I’ll get back to you with… oh, I can smell change. I haven’t really felt that since many, many years ago, but I just now realized that I can smell the change.




This is a blog about my spiritual journey. The focus from january 2019 will be on my entering the shaman path. It’s exciting in every way possible, and I cannot wait to experience more.


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