Finding new paths
I don’t know what it is with this drumming that doesn’t seem to resonate well with me. I love drums. I cannot for my life even begin to understand why the shamanic journeying through drums doesn’t seem to work for me.
But – I have slowly come to accept that for now. I tend to loose interest in things if they don’t work for me, which in all honesty was also the case here. But – then something interesting happened. Only yesterday, actually.
I am inbetween two computers at the moment. My old one is old and tired and doesn’t work for me as I want it to (mainly because I can’t use Adobe CC in a productive manner). As I am retired from work due to mental health issues, my financial resources are very limited. The chances of me buying a new computer that suits my needs are therefore nonexistent.
Which is why I was so grateful when distant friends managed to conjure up a used, but still tons better, computer for me. Unfortunately, this computer has managed to mess up too. To my enormous frustration, I might add.
But it leads me to the point. I am one of these people that needs to act on creativity immediately. I suck at having an idea, tucking it away and starting on it another day. When an idea pops up, I need to start on it right away. Doesn’t have to be too advanced a beginning, but it needs to be started.
Last night I had one of these ideas. I have already written a book in swedish which will be translated into english. Now, I got an idea for another book which may well be part II, in one sense. It won’t be written in the same way, but.. Ah, well.
The interesting part is not so much that I got an idea for a book, but rather the idea for the book itself.
I won’t say too much about the idea itself, since I am not done with it quite yet. However; since I had no computer to work on, I made handwritten notes (and bloody hell, my handwriting is horrificly hard to read). While making my notes, I realized that the idea I had originally grew and changed into something completely different when I was thinking about it. And I realized – shit, this is not just a story. This is a shamanic journey – for me, for the fictional person who is the I in the story, and quite possibly also for the reader.
And that’s – we are finally at the point, where I realized that maybe I don’t need drum journeys to do shamanic work. Maybe, and this is not a new thought, my shamanic practice can and will be done through my creative outlets – that is; writing and photography, mainly.
I have no idea of this is reasonable. If it is even a way to practice shamanism. But you know what? I don’t care. I have no intention of becoming a practicing shaman and take clients. This is something I do for myself, only and solely. Therefore, I don’t need anyone elses approval on how I practise.
HA! So there! And yes, at the moment, I am easily amused.
And, to go one step further into myself, I do this to regain imagination and my abilitiy to actually feel. Having lived with bipolar disorder, untreated onto that, for so long, has severily disconnected me from both of these things. To live the life I want to live, I need to reconnect.