Personal grief and lacking inspiration
I haven’t written here, on this blog, for quite a while. This is due to two reasons. One; I lost my precious dog Ella to age a week ago. It was expected, and I have been taking my time preparing for this. It is way different than I would ever have expected, and I’m not sure wether it’s good or bad. The other reason is that I’ve been lacking inspiration.
I’ve known since January that my dog was on her way leaving me. She told me then we had about six months left together. Maybe two months ago, she told me we had – two months or so. My first plan was to let it happen in the end of the summer, but then I figured it would do none of us any good. She wasn’t well and she’d not get better, and I spent all my time worrying about her.
I have no doubt whatsoever in my mind that I did the right thing. Now we are both at peace. But I am lacking her, and I am not at all comfortable with that. I realise that – well, I need her, but with her being dead I can’t really have her in the flesh. So, I need another dog. I do need at least one dog in my life.
That aside; the other reason I haven’t been active on this particular blog is my lack of inspiration. I know I’ve told you about my troubles journeying. They have been persistent, and in all honesty, I grew tired of trying. The main reason is, I believe, that while I do appreciate recorded drumming for journeying, it is quite artificial. I do enjoy listening to it, but it doesn’t seem to get me anywhere.
I think I need the real thing. I’m too new into this to own my personal shamanic drum, so I thought there was little chance I’d get into journeying anytime soon.
But what did I find, then? Hilariously enough, I realized I already have a drum. It is not a shamanic drum, but a drum nonetheless. And for the time being, it will have to do. I got it a number of years ago from a friend who’s been using it for LARP (live action roleplay). Now it will have a new job; to accompany me on my journeys.
I think I’ll have to do a lot of practise at first. The rythm is not a problem, but the focus and concentration – on both rythm and the journey. It will be very interesting, indeed.
So; hopefully I’ll be blogging more frequently telling you all about my new experiences with journeying.
Simultaneously, I’ll find a way to bring more dogs into my life. I just had a visit from one (a real, living dog, that is), and after only a week I realize I missed having a dog around to the degree where it’s ridiculous.