If I don’t get too tired, I may do another journey today, but I figured I should spend a whole post discussing some of the things that’s been on my mind lately. I am so eager to move on with this, so I like to journey for that reason alone, but sometimes it’s good to paus and allow yourself some time to think.
During my life, so far, I have been dabbling in this and that when it comes to spiritual paths. Most of them on the new age side of things. I’ve been working with tarot, I’ve been interested in astrology, energy work, wicca, I’ve had visits from the dead (paternal grandfather, mother, and lately, father, and even more), and also the lawo of attraction. All of them has felt like they are separate paths, and although I’ve enjoyed some more than others, it’s never been quite enough.
I do have some wonderful memories, though. Like that time when I totally out of the blue suddenly was a drop of water trickling down a tree trunk. That feeling was amazing. I didn’t see it from the outside, I was that drop of water.
Or that time when I was trying to comfort my sister who was completely struck with grief, and the kitchen where we were suddenly was filled with people. I couldn’t see them, but I felt them so strongly. They were there to support us in that specific moment.
When I was younger, I used to say that i lived my life 95% inside my head, and 5% looking out through my eyes.To any person considering themselves to be normal, I think this sounds a bit weird. To me, however – it’s normal, and it’s being home.
Then I got very, very bipolar. And I mean that as in; I got so very, very ill with bipolar disorder. I’ve probably been bipolar since my late teens, but I got struck with a depression I’d never seen the likes of before. To say that I suffered severe soul loss is being too gentle with words. I lost everything, including myself.
It has taken me over ten years to get back to where I’m at now. In many ways I would consider myself a beginner at this whole thing with shamanism. Yet, it’s not a new thing to me, as the concept shamanism covers pretty much everything I’ve ever done under the spiritual roof, and yet, what I’ve done so far reminds me of pretty much everything I’ve ever done before.
I am also, actually since the journey I did yesterday, beginning to feel that I have access to the nonordinary world even outside of a journey. I am thinking that sooner or later, I’ll be able to switch focus at will and experience both worlds simultaniously.
So, I’m here now. I finally found my way home. This whole way of working with the spirit world suits me very well. Considering the fact it covers pretty much everything I want to do, the law of attraction in itself has nothing on this. To me, the LOA doesn’t stand a chance comparing to shamanism – especially not when it’s a fact that the qustion of manifesting is part of the shamanic path. So yes, I say to myself – welcome home.
And that’s where the new beginnings take place. There’s a new beginning every second of the day, if you want it to be. And with that, there are new things to do. At this moment, there are at least two things that I really want to do – and intend to do, soon.
I want to experience the elements. I want to be fire, water, earth and air. I want to experience the feeling of being water, earth, fire, air – and the power within it.
I also want to experience more of the nature of my spirit animals. I want to fly as an eagle (again), I want to run with the pack of wolves, I want to hop around with the white rabbit, and explore the world with that Peter Pan-character.
I want to explore the nonordinary world – and expand in it. I want to meet guides and teachers and learn as much as I can. I want to ask so many questions. I want to spend time in my garden, and expand it – and perhaps lift the thick layers of fog that surrounds it. I want to hang out with my inner self in non-trance. I want to find my way back to the intuition I used to have.
There are so many things to do. And I’m telling you; I’ve forgotten about 99% outside of what I just said.
And best of all is that with every answer I get, every thing that I do, it will ripple and spread, and there will be new questions to ask, new things to explore, new things to learn and expand from – and I’m loving the idea of it.
So yes, I know I am repeating myself – but I really do feel like I’ve come home. I have so far no idea where this will go, but I am absolutely certain it will be better than good.