The Tower is one of the cards in the major Arcana in a Tarot deck. The card stands for something being torn down, and the beginning of a rebuilding process. Some may feel that the card has bad energy – I’m quite the opposite.
I intended to put Choosing my self as subject for this post, because that’s exactly what it’s about. But I figured that starting out with the Tower might be a good way to begin, so here goes…
I have been in the Tower for a long time. A very long time, actually. I’ve already told you that I live with bipolar disorder, and that really did mess up my life for a long, long time. About six years ago, when I was finally diagnosed, my journey back to being human started – that’s when I entered the Tower.
I have also already told you that I want to be that kind of woman. The kind of woman people turn around for when passing by on the street. The kind of woman people talk about, thinking she (I) is the coolest, most awesome person.
For the last two, almost three years or so, I have step by step, without even realizing it, begun my journey on being this woman. I have also written that every moment is a point of origin. Considering how deep my rabbit whole has been, it’s no wonder it’s taking so long to get back up. But up I am getting, there’s no denying that.
I have spent years and years collecting the pieces of what used to be me, having been scattered to such a degree it’s a bloody miracle I’ve been able to put it back together. I have now reached a point where all parts of me are beginning to knot themselves together – and I’m telling you; damn, that’s one bloody amazing feeling.
So, the whole point with this post is to acknowledge the fact that for once, I am conciously choosing me. I am choosing my self. I am choosing to rebuild ME, to create the person I want to be.
And that’s the only question one has to ask, no?
Who do I want to be?
And then start working towards that goal. It may not always be easy or even possible, but if one’s at a point where it is possible – go for it. Let’s get creative and let’s be the absolutely best we can be, no!?
So, one of the things I really enjoy as of late is how all the parts of all that which is me, are growing into each other. They are no longer separate parts, they are beginning to become One – Me.
Another thing I really, really enjoy is how I within the last week or so, have chosen red over pink. I was so convinced that pink was my colour when it comes to make up, but I have only just realized that (cool) reds is what makes me come to life. That is quite the miracle, that’s for sure. Amazing – I really do feel how I change when using darker, cooler red colours in my make up. It’s like I all of a sudden allowed myself to demand my space. Completely mad, and absolutely wonderful.
The seams around that which is me, holding the parts together, are closing up. I think it’s bloody awesome feeling like this. It’s not 100% consistent as of yet, but I am getting there, and all the good things will be coming with it.