All right, so I have spent the last week all messed up about the latest event regarding my application for (the swedish term) “god man”. I only just now realized what may be the main thing that causes all my mental issues with it. Or, at least my emotional response to it – I am beginning to understand it now. Finally.

The main issue is the word control. I like feeling that I am in control. I really enjoy knowing that I know what is to come. I don’t need to know the details, but I love to know that the choice is mine and that noone else is making decisions for me.

Once I realized this, the knot in my chest almost immediately began to unwrap itself. It’s not completely unwrapped yet, but considerably better than only moments ago.

This is making me, at least by¬† half a step, understand a bit better what Abraham Hicks means by saying about choosing thoughts that make one feel good, rather than being influenced by thoughts that make one feel bad. I’ve known this before, of course – it’s not rocket science. But sometimes it’s easier to grasp and understand fully, when you come across examples as obvious as this.

Haha, this is hilarious, actually. This is like waking up – I am feeling better by the second. I can only take it as I am doing right by myself, by thinking about something that I like instead of drowning in misery. I do need to practice this, so I suppose that this is a good place to start.

It’s the small things that make all the difference. When you hear a clicking sound of something falling into place inside your head, that makes you understand and take a small step forward that in the end might mean a huge step.

For that matter; when I say I like being in control, it means many, many things, but in this sense I mean that I enjoy being the one making the choices. It is the positive side of the contrast of what I have lived in up until recently. And I am enjoying immensely being in control of my own life.


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This is a blog about my spiritual journey. The focus from january 2019 will be on my entering the shaman path. It’s exciting in every way possible, and I cannot wait to experience more.


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