At the moment, I’m trying to do stuff without being so overly focused on doing it right. You know; doing it Abraham-style, thinking rightly and correctly at every moment. In many ways, it goes directly against everything that I’ve learnt through therapy. In therapy, I learned to go through my emotions, no matter which shape or form they have. With the law of attraction, and this is not a new phenomenon for me, I awkwardly try to re-direct my negative emotions into positive ones, because my mind believes this is how it should be done when it’s not necessarily so.

At the moment, I find myself in a weird position. I’m quite content – I sleep during the days, spend the evening and nights up, doing what I always do. I want change to happen, but I’m not sure of how. I am very deeply rooted in my habits, and it’s sometimes hard for me to start the process of acting differently.

HA – and I still find it enormously entertaining when I reach insights without even trying. I just thought that for so many years, I’ve been wanting to live in peace and quiet. And I just realized that that’s exactly what I do right now. My life is peaceful and quiet – in absurdum. Not much is happening – although I may not have the circumstances that I want for myself, but that’s irrelevant for this specific point.

And then, at the same time, I also realized that this is a perfect opportunity to understand how there can be a shift in what one wants. I have what I’ve wanted for a long time – peace and quiet. Now what?

So, what I am going to ask for right now, is at least some kind of improvement. No, it’s a great improvement, actually. And a small step towards the greater things that I want for myself.

I want an improved financial situation. I want that constant freedom of choice that I appreciate so much. I want the liberty of living where I want, doing what I want when I want it, buying whatever I want whenever I want it, et cetera.

I also want to build lasting, healthy relationships with people that I like and enjoy spending time with. I want relationships where all parties involved are given space to grow and thrive.

Yes, that’s what I want for myself at this very moment. I understand and accept that when I reached these fairly small goals, I can evolve the things that I want further.

Amazing stuff, this. ♥


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This is a blog about my spiritual journey. The focus from january 2019 will be on my entering the shaman path. It’s exciting in every way possible, and I cannot wait to experience more.


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