Resisting and allowing
I just listened to an audio of Abraham Hicks speaking of resistance. It’s been a while since I realized that I have quite the resistance within me – and because of that, some of the things that I want to manifest for myself will be taking some time.
And, actually, I’m ok with that.
I could’ve ended this post right there, after that last sentence – but I want to discuss this a bit further.
I am very good at resisting, and not so good at allowing. There are of course reasons for this – most of them has to do with my parents and how they imprinted in me how life should be lived, what’s easy to get access to, what one should do to get this or that – you know, the way parents raise their children. None of it was benefitial for me, however, which none of them (I say them, but really, it’s mostly my dad) realized or would have accepted.
So – although I was a child with a huge imagination and enormous dreams, I learned to opress those wishes and to know (!) that I was not good enough to get what I wanted.
Now, I don’t say this to put any blame on my dad (except perhaps a little bit of resentment from my inner child) because he was raised into a certain state of mind that doesn’t allow anything but what appears to be real. We were very, very different, and I’ve always worked hard on being more like him (pretending to live, actually) when it comes to how to live, than to actually live for myself.
There are reasons for this which does not belong here in this blog, but I can say this; there’s a lifetime full of scepticism, wanting-to-believe-but-not-doing-because-of-fear-of-what-someone-else-would-think, depressions, dysfunctionality et cetera – that makes up the thick layers of resistance that prevents me from getting many of the things that I want, today.
As weird as it may sound, but I’m actually ok with that. I know myself and the life I’ve lived – there’s nothing strange that I am the way I am, at all. It’ll take some time to turn the wheel and get to the point of where I can create and manifest just the way I want to – but then again; I’d say that’s part of the journey. It’s part of life to learn, and I intend to shift from what has been my perception of myself, into the new Me, which is everything that I want to be and want to have.
So – to accept that this is how it is at this very moment, I can then turn my focus on what’s really important to me, to raise my vibration as Abraham and many others would say. I need to focus on my appreciation and gratitude for what I have and where I am at this very moment. There are so many ways to explain and express the feeling that I’m looking for; it has to do with opening up – allowing, is another term for it. But I need to learn how to stay in that accepting, allowing and recieving mode.
Not sure of how I am going to do that, but I think that some keys to it is by continuing to meditate and also to start practicing yoga regularily.
I really like it that as I go on, on this journey, things are beginning to feel less wibbly-wobbly and more steady and with some kind of shape and form. I really enjoy the feeling that I am beginning to get a grip of all this, on how to be this new version of Me, with this new set of skills to create and manifest my life the way I want it to be.
It also is somewhat… not scary, but… weird. I am so used to needing my dads approval. I’m not used to wanting, accepting, approving, recieving et cetera, on my own – learning how to do that is difficult and a bit… weird.
Good, but weird. 😀