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This is a blog about my spiritual journey. The focus from january 2019 will be on my entering the shaman path. It’s exciting in every way possible, and I cannot wait to experience more.

 

Feel free to comment and share – I appreciate it.

 

Enjoy!

 

/SMP

Gratitude 180528

Today, I am going to discuss the concept of abundance and what it means to me, and also show my gratitude for the abundance I live in. The concept, I believe, differs in meaning depending on who says it – much like the word success.

I have been poor for a really long time. And when I say poor, I mean really poor. There was a time when I couldn’t pay my rent. When I didn’t have money to buy food for myself. I wore old, ugly clothes because I couldn’t afford buying new ones. Whenever I managed to get money, I had to focus on paying the rent and my electricity, which was always way behind.

To me, abundance is pretty much anything compared to the situation which I lived in.

I just thought about it, and I realized that I’ve been living in abundance for the last couple of years without even realizing it. Compared to most people, I am still very poor. Due to my bipolar disorder, I am retired from work, and my pension is at the lowest level legal in Sweden. The money covering all my costs every month is what a normal person has for pocketmoney.

But you know what?

I have everything that I need. I can afford to have a car. That alone is abundance to me. The fact that I can prioritize to get vitamins is another sign of abundance to me. Not to mention the fact that I have, rather heavily, focused and prioritized my vanity for couple of months. I’ve been buying lots of make up, and what I don’t want to keep, I give to friends and their children.

Another things that makes me see the abundance that I live in, is food. I have so much food. I have food that, if I don’t buy anything else, will last me for surely two whole months, if not longer. And it’s good food. Back in my poor days, I bought what was absolutely cheapest compared to how long it’d last. Well, in all honesty, I still do – but how does that matter now? 🙂

I have spent a large number of years being unhappy with my situation. There are many reasons for that, most of which have to do with my bipolar disorder. Due to this, I find it quite fascinating to all of a sudden feel quite at peace.

Do I have an exciting life? No, not really. It’s quite boring, actually. Do I live the way I want? No, I don’t. Do I have the kind of money I’d like to have? No, most definitely not.

But – in the end, all that is quite irrelevant. My therapist once told me that none of that will make me happy – and it won’t. It’s too hot for me to feel too giddy about anything, but I still do feel content.

What does make me happy is to feel content. To feel that I am at peace. That I have what I need. To feel safe. And I actually do, to my big surprise. I have no idea of where that feeling comes from, or why – but I do. Maybe it is because I am beginning to feel that I have faith – as in trusting life.

No matter why – what’s important is that I do feel this way. Maybe this is only because it’s so hot – I don’t really have the energy to feel either overly good or overly bad about something. 😀 The only thing I can do, really, is to accept what I have and kind of rest in the moment.

Anyway – this is everything that I am grateful for today. That I do live in abundance, although I may not have the financial situation of my dreams. I am so grateful that money go into my bank account every month and I don’t have to do a thing for it to happen. When it comes to release of financial stress, I think I may finally have come to peace. For this, I am grateful.

 

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