Today, I will make an exception from the specifics of things that I am grateful about. Today, I will focus my gratitude on a rather general thing, which I believe pretty much covers everything else. What it is? It’s this moment.
I’ve slept too little all week. I probably should feel more low than I am – because for some reason, I am tired, but feeling very in the moment. And that’s what I am feeling grateful for today.
I’ve come to realize that it is somehow tiresome to find ten things feeling grateful for every day. I see the use of it, but it feels slightly contrived to produce these ten things every day. My previous post about gratitude took me forever to write. I was tired, so that’s one of the reasons for it taking so long, but also because I was having a hard time finding things to feel grateful for.
What I am feeling today (tonight, really) is somewhat different. I am tired in a way that makes me appreciate the moment. I am very much here. I am too tired to care much about the future, and too tired to bother about yesterday. I am here, right now.
Another way of putting it is to say that I feel content. I have everything that I need. I don’t need anything else, even though I may want some things, but there’s quite the difference between needing something and wanting something. And at this very moment, I don’t even feel that I want anything specific.
I realize that the feeling I have right now is due to me being quite tired. But that doesn’t really matter – I like it. It’s like being cradled, really.
It just struck me – I wonder if this has to do with my selfhypnosises!? In one of them, I am telling myself that I am safe, secure and very deeply loved. I wonder if that’s what’s starting to kick in, or if it just is the fact that I am so tired that I couldn’t care less about anything but this very moment.
What a curious idea.
You know, I actually really enjoy the concept of being cradled. It’s a very pleasant feeling to be in. It’s like – in one sense, it’s like being in this inbetween that I wrote about earlier. It’s very peaceful. It’s quiet – and perhaps a bit bubbly. You know, the bubbly sound under water.
This is a state of mind that I wish could be consistent. It is so pleasant being here. It isn’t very far from being receptive and in a recieving mode. It is also like a place of understanding, which doesn’t necessarily come to me on an every day basis. This is what it should be like, always, sort of.
But there’s my gratitude for today. I am grateful for being in this very moment. For being present. For everything that doesn’t seem to matter right now – no tomorrow, no yesterday.
Just the feeling of being.