Something very weird is happening to me. I’m not sure exactly what it is, or why it happens. Today, I was listening to some recordings of Abraham Hicks on Youtube. And for the first time in a very long time, I almost cried for no reason whatsoever. I had this huge wave of emotions, coming from absolutely nowhere, and a huge clump in my throat, and I think I even had a tear falling from my eye at one point.

I tend to watch a lot of youtube clips on a certain subject when I am interested in something. I’ve spent months watching make up tutorials. Now, I watch almost exclusively youtube videos on the law of attraction. I don’t agree with everything and I don’t like everything, but here and there, I find something that makes me remember what I used to believe in before I got so extremely ill with my bipolar disorder.

And what is happening, I believe, is that I am beginning to see the shape and form of a world and a universe which is so overwhelmingly beautiful. I’d forgotten it looks this way, and I am being overwhelmed by it. But I am also extremely grateful that it’s coming back to me, because it gives life a whole new dimension which I was lacking during the years of being ill. And maybe that is even the reason I got ill in the first place – I don’t really know.

But it feels like I am opening up in so many ways. I am sometimes surprised that people can’t see or feel it, when I feel it so clearly.

I think – and I hope, that one of the reasons for this experience, is the fact that I listen to the recordings of my selfhypnosis that I’ve made. Today when I woke up, I felt better (not so tired and grumpy) than I’ve done in years. Hearing my own voice speaking these small, but oh, so important messages, is absolutely amazing. Who would I believe, more than myself? And today, I refined the ones I have (ie; made new ones with tiny changes in choice of words and some other changes). It’ll be very interesting to see how I react in a few days time.

Speaking of which; I’ll actually make myself one more regarding my attitude towards money and wealth.

But this whole experience with being all emotional for no reason – I am amazed. And it makes me think that I am very much on the right path. I am in no hurry to manifest magnificence in five seconds. I don’t mind it taking time – I need to feel that I don’t run ahead of myself.

I need (want)balance.


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This is a blog about my spiritual journey. The focus from january 2019 will be on my entering the shaman path. It’s exciting in every way possible, and I cannot wait to experience more.


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